Wednesday, November 30, 2016

She Broke off ..

“No! What I mean is that when you're wrong, you never seem to accept it as a fact! ... I guess that's how come they came to oppress you all, those guys of ancient times: They simply let you  -  or the women of that time  -  have obedience as the only alternative to admitting she was wrong!”

She looked at him briefly, then began to walk away. She seemed to feel insulted. Then she stopped, turned around and paused.

Looking at him she asked: “Do you mean they were all as naive as that?!”

“Yeah! It probably was that! It seems that even nowadays you can't confess to it when you're actually mistaken in a wisdom sense. Except, you can confess to it simply by subordination, never by admitting, simply. Sort of never by taking responsibility, that is. ... It's really weird that they never seem to admit that, those friends of yours, that you all seem to be uninterested in actually learning the truth about something! Rather, each one of you keep on faking that she has to subordinate herself to us!”

“It's not true that we're always faking it! It's not true that we can't admit any other way than by subordination! Instead, we were forced into subordination by manipulative men!”

“I'm glad to see you actually dare speak back, even. But to tell the truth, I believe you are wrong! It's almost bad enough nowadays for there to be an impossibility in having you - even some of you, I think - admit that you aught to take things another way! It only happens occasionally, but then you don't admit that the manipulators among men, were the ones you did chose to trust! That is you chose them in order to escape responsibility or so! It must be that! Or what else is it!?”

She looked at him again and swallowed. “I can't believe we're actually that stubborn, although I can believe it actually seems that way! Why do you feel sure that that is the case?!”

“I feel sure about it because when one of you seems to be into defending her case, she always seems to either avoid really doing it, or she seems to - on the surface - admit to making a mistake, perhaps in order to take it back later.”

“I don't believe I made a mistake when wronged you just now, and I'm not into, even on the surface, calling it one. I confess to mistakenly coming to the conclusion that you don't have any judgement against me, which I did not expect!”

“I guess it's a mistake that you seem to try to be confessing to a mistake that isn't a real error!”

“I'm not sure about that!”

“How about when you were into that I wasn't even anything but a precarious guy who thought he was into responsibility for the sake of trying to catch girls?! I can't see it in you that you can confess to that without having it there's no big issue. It's as if it was because I wasn't the guy who should have been considered trustworthy enough for beginning to find it in him that he could be anything else but what you prejudged him to be!”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really! And I don't find it in them, the guys you seem to be acquainted to, to be any better than I am at trying to be through about saying why they don't seem to let go of their claims to seem to be better than the rest!”

“I'm not sure about that!”

“See, you're already avoiding the issue!”

“I'm not sure I'm not! But I feel certain that I can't feel like being into this conversation without you admitting that I am at least something of a woman for saying what she wants!”

“Oh! You feel like backing out already! And now there's, I guess, some excuse for you to seem innocent of having been pretending to be confessing to that type of error!”


“Then you're going to have yourself to blame! And that's forever! From now on!” she said and left.

Sunday, November 27, 2016

Learning Not to Be Ridiculous

Beatrice looked doubtful. “So you really think there's a Russian people that has it everything moral is that ridiculous?!”

“Well, I say, I kinda mean that!” her half-sister answered.

“Why would they have it we're ridiculous just as soon as we're into morals when all they have, in that case, about it is that they thereby get treated well, and so do all others?!”

“It's because they seem to feel that evil people are more for real than 'those fakes' who they consider to be ridiculous! ... You know that family just across the hill, they don't seem to consider anyone to be in his or her right mind, to the extent whoever that is doesn't pertain to feeling evil is realness - even the realness - of whatever is going on! It's that they feel that evil makes it real. ... It seems they also feel that they have the right to teach people around them about the realness that they have from that Russian community they moved to here from!”

“They, ... yeah, okay. Yeah, I guess they are sort of that way. Why would they have to be from Russia?”

“I heard them speak it! Or at least I think that was Russian!”

“I think they might be Danish, or even Swedish. I think all who are as blond as they are Scandinavians!”

“Bull shit! They can be from somewhere in Russia!”

“I think they're not Russian and what they were speaking was Danish, Swedish, or perhaps Finnish!”

“It was Slavic-sounding, that conversation they were having! They probably are from like northwestern Russia, or something. And I bet there, the people feel like having it everything moral is ridiculous!”

Beatrice looked thoughtful, but still seemed to doubt what her half-sister was saying. “do you know what? It's ridiculous to say they would be that smart at seeming real as long as they're too much into seeming fun to be taken for granted as being for real about anything!”

“It's exactly that they're into too much fun that ridicules everybody else! It's they who seem to be exactly poking fun at the people in their valley that don't seem to let go of Christian ethics! I'm related to two families that live there, and one of them is exactly that! The other one is into ethics for the sake of law obedience and so, and even they feel embarrassed by those people at times, it seems to me. The more thoroughly religious family that I'm related to, they definitely have a big problem with them!”

“But Cathy, don't you get it! It's just that family! It's not necessarily where they came from, but just that fairly per se that is ridiculously into evil as the virtue of realness or something!”

“I know. But still they even have some Russian - or so it seems - friends over to visit them at times, and they too seem intent on having it none-evil means not for real!”

“It's exactly their friends, only who are that! It seems more likely that they were notorious in their old community, with everyone who wasn't like them. Thereby, it's exactly their old friends form there, and they themselves, and only those people, who are into that sort of thinking!”

“Betty! It's not ridiculous to say they're all into it because they all want to seem something better than that ridiculous care for moral principles and stuff!”

“Cath! I'm not into moral principle just for that! And they wouldn't be into anti-moral principles for something small as the equivalent of the pressure that for example the Church pressures people around here to be into!”

“Now, even though you tell me the church pressures us into morals, I have never felt that! In fact, they're just making it seem to even think about moral as the stuff we're all about! Instead they're into moral as like the alibi for actually seeing to it that one can claim power without that seeming too ridiculous to be looked at as silly, or so. ...”

“My point is that the Russians, those kinds of Russians, are into something of that cool attitude of despising those who need moral for seeming trustworthy!” she looked at her a bit impatiently. “Now do you get what I'm saying?”

“So what!? So are our brothers! And sort of, even, so are you! And I even - but that one is a perhaps!”

“It's not we who are into just ridiculing for the sake of fun. We're into being cool only about not being smart enough not to handle the Christian stuff as thought we were losers without it! It's not you and I - nor is it our brothers - who are actually into that everyone who uses Him is stupidly into morals that don't fit into reality. Not like that! No we aren't!”

“I seem to be into that! Because I'm into having Christianity seem ridiculous! Even you seem to be into it! Because now, when you said it, you were all into that it should seem ridiculous to rely on ethics, since it seems that one would be a looser - from now, and forever, even, if one uses it!”

“I don't see in them to be like us, just the same! Because it's they, not we, who pretend as something about His smartness for moral as the smartness that is there for everyone! It's not they, at least not those of them that I know about, that get into morals as anything else than an alibi for the actual reality of seeming right even though one is wrong!”

Cathy hesitated. “I feel,” she answered after some thought, “that it's the Christian thing that is exactly that! It helps us get into seeming right even when rules applicable elsewhere say were wrong!”

“I feel,” Beatrice tried to counter, “that we're not into scorning morals for the sake of seeming right - while they are! That, now, is the huge difference that makes me feel that it's they, not us, nor normal people, who are that way!”

“Then, if they are that way, then, yeah! Perhaps there is a subculture in like northwestern Russia, where people are into that!”

“Exactly!”

“But so what?! It seems to mean, mostly, that they have expressions that seem to ridicule like Christ and morals. Why do you mean they actually work on doing it?!”

“How come you believe those Christians believe them to be that dangerous, then?! Or do you believe they actually trust them - and that it's only you, and perhaps I, of all people, who realize them to be of the not-so-trustworthy type?!”

Cathy looked at her half-sister and said: “Do you honestly believe there is no Christian community that has any problems with them?!”

“I don't know, sis!”

“There's at least one!”

“Okay, then there's one.”

“It's not they, those Russians who would be so 'ridiculous' as to say to the Christians that they are not dangerous against them! At least it's not most of them - or so it seems! Thereby it's they - and it's not Christ or us - who are really into pretending that ridicule is to seem to be into Christianity although one isn't! Even so, it's you and I who should seem to be into that! Because it we're not into that ridicule of what Christ is around here, then we're not into what is coming, as their relatives move in, I think. Because, I think they will move in, some more of them, from the way they seemed to have been obnoxious with those very Christian relatives of mine!”

“How come then, Betty, do you and I not find ourselves to be ridiculous in trying to be fancying the Christian ethic as the preeminence of reality of fancying them to be our beneficiaries?!”

“Cathy! You and I don't have to seem ridiculous in all that! You and I seem to be good already1 Then you and I only need to add that certain feeling of ridiculing the humble! You and I can thus be caring on the surface and even care for our Christian appearance! Only we both have to be ridiculous about seeming to be moral when one is actually into care for the smartness that exactly they might have!”

“Okay, sis!”

Saturday, November 19, 2016

The Passion

“Even so,” he said, “I believe they aren't as capable as we about actually feeling self-assured without their charm being there!”

His wife looked at him. “I feel sort of that they don't fit in! But I also feel that they are just normal about seeming to want to charm everybody!”

“I totally see it in them that they don't pertain to our cunning about not being ridiculous when trying to show our ways to be simple enough for there to be some respect for them!”

“I don't think I can agree with that! What I see in them is that they are almost as normal as us! By the way, remember at Helen's party, how you tried to seem charming and then said to me that it was needed just to have her and the others accept your companionship!”

He sighed. “Oh, that's just in a sense! What I had to adapt to was that she, among others provoked me into feeling insecure and that I had to charm them in order to make them stop! What it is with Lisa and her daughter is that they per se don't feel secure without charming their environment!”

“Oh, that, Harold, seems to be that they don't charm every body, and then it's just like you in that they do it only not to feel to intimidated. But after all, you have a point about them, in that they don't feel like even realizing that they're not threatened by people like us! That I think you can come down on them about!”

Harold seemed content to hear that she agreed to some extent. He looked at her and realized that she was also feeling that she could not accept his resentment and potential spite against charm as a defence against feelings of inferiority, insecurity and so on. It was not that he had resented it to begin with; it was only that he needed to tell her that he resented hat they felt superior just for charming him into feeling they were not necessarily to be despised.

After a short silence he said to her that he wanted to know why she seemed concerned about that they don't always seem ridiculously into themselves as so charming that “Oh, hey, they're good people!” supposedly. ...

“I feel,” she answered him, “that I don't have any responsibility against everybody I can deal with, not to charm them, and then also not to feel despised. I mean although this person might not be the one that would despise me to begin with.”

Troubled by his wife's seeming weakness, he accused her: “Ann! You and I have been married for five years - plus the four and a half years we went steady before that - so, thereby, you aught to feel that it's not charming strangers you should that easily be keen on doing!”

Ann swallowed. “Harold, I'm sorry about it! But even so they aren't the ones you should feel that I want, just because I sometimes feel like being extra charming about them! Because that kind of charm isn't about charm itself! It's just about trying to see to it fix that no one abuses me - and thereby us - about the stuff that I - and that's usually we - stand for! Now if you don't think that's a good thing, then I feel uncertain about what we're about in this situation, and I even feel uncertain about what you are about being into that I and you should be seen as the best kind of partners for a marriage!”

Harold seemed startled. “Who is that whom you feel that you need to charm for the sake of us, so to speak?!” he asked.

“It's the guys who pretend I'm a looser just because I'm with you, for example! I mean, if I don't charm them, then they will pretend the reason I married you was because they were too good for me! But, Harold, I don't feel that they should be seen as the partners I want! I just need to charm them in order not to feel frightened that they might seem better than either one of us!”

Amazed over her answer, Harold looked at her and said: “Don't be ridiculous! It isn't we who need that you charm them into pretending that we want a good relationship! There should be enough of that in simply being satisfied with one another, and showing them that! There's no good reason for there to be need for charm with them, for the sake of me, nor for our children. ... Is there?!”

“There's in that case no reason for you to have to charm Helen and her friends, just because they seem to be corny about how they have to treat you at their party!”

“What do you mean there's no reason?! I can't deal with them as if they can accept me otherwise!”

“Then I have the same problem with those studs I was talking about!”

He looked sore. “That's going behind my back!”

She seemed troubled in a way that indicated some surprise at herself. “Oh, God! I didn't even think about that!”

“It seems to me,” Harold said in a mixture of spite and uneasiness, “that you don't even realize that they aren't after anything more than to have me seem to have a slut in you!”

She thought about this for a moment, then said: “How come they don't realize they're doing that to me!?”

“You say they don't realize! I think they do realize, and take pride in seducing you! Perhaps what they don't realize - and I hop this to be so - is that they don't actually seduce you! But, you know, if they see you as charming just because it's them, then why wouldn't at least some of them interpret that as a flirt!?”

“How come you don't despise that and then just arrive at a notion of us being together and simply way above that stuff?!”

He looked at her. “I'm not sure about what to believe!”

She looked at him with some passion. Then her look grew more intense and then serious. “Look, Harold, it seems you don't realize that you and I have the best of relationships already going for us, and I intend for it to stay that way!”

“I don't feel that I can believe you!”

“I feel, in that case, that you shouldn't pretend you're as passionate as I am for our relationship to work!”

“They, those blokes you've been charming ... are they into seeing us as the perfect couple?! Is that what you mean, cause I don't feel up to believing that you actually charm them for no purpose of your own! ... I believe you're trying to charm them because you subconsciously want to be unfaithful against me! ... And then you try to tell me that I need that for us to be passionate about one another!”

“I don't see why they should be seen as the ones who could have us seem bad in any way but that we would be portrayed as the losers they couldn't envy! By the way, don't you realize, I can also scorn them for trying to score on me, even upon charming him!”

“I guess that's a satisfaction I could have! I guess that could do, to the extent that they seem to be really intimidated by that it is certain that they can't get you!”

“Oh, I can do that!”

“Then how come they don't seem to look up to me, those blokes?!”

“Do you mean Dan, Jess or what?”

“Yeah, for example them. Hm. Yeah, I came to think about the two of them, and also a few others that we both know! ... But do you know what?! It's you, not they, mostly, who should show me the evidence of that the passion is for us and not either one of them! It's not with a guy unknown to me that you should have a passion! It's not you who aren't unfaithful unless they and seem unpassionate when you see each other, and also when I for instance, mention his name for - or yours for him!”

“There's fairly much passion in showing each other we can scorn them! I guess they can also be scorned, those girls that you might need to charm! I suppose you and I could be passionate against their self-assurances and thereby see to our own as the only ones that are to be fed with the reality of love that only you and I can have!”


He looked at her. “I guess,” he said, after a while, “that we can go for that!”

Saturday, November 12, 2016

Dealing with Lisa's Clever-or-Not Affairs

Lisa had skimmed and was now reading a report about how some gangster organization from Italy had been infiltrating Finnish social networks. It said that seemingly the Italians had found mostly that the criminally-inclined among the Finns were a bit too unruly for them to really appreciate. They had been judged fairly similarly by much of the Russian mafia, usually, the report pointed out. But there was one huge difference, which hardly was surprising to her: The Russians had judged the Finnish to be awkward to deal with for ruling over the rest of Scandinavian while the Italians were into the vice versa, sort of. They had found that the other Scandinavians weren't too keen on Finland for there to be a trouble there, with that many of the Finns never reflected over pan-Scandinavian attitudes as their domain of interest. This told her that the probably many Finns were into notions of themselves as so independent that they should be seen as the superiors of their own cultural habitat. With that at stake, it seemed to her, there was an issue of freeing oneself from any foreigners influence among the people to approach for those gangster groups.

After reading about one third of the report, she rose from her seat in order to make some coffee. Her percolator started up the water, which effervesced pleasantly, she felt. After it had finished brewing she poured herself a cup and drank it with pleasure. Then the phone rang.

“Hello, it's Lisa,” she answered.

“You know, Lisa,” a male voice said on the other end of the line, “it's not time yet for us to show any interest in nailing those mafia groups, which may have started to cooperate!” His voice was calm, but she didn't quite realize how come she was supposed to feel trust for the fellow.

“Who are you?!” she asked.

“I'm that man whom you're supposed to meet with about those issues about the Finnish mafia seeming to be into something of trying to expand into foreign territory! I'm not done with my part it yet! But please, as I'm telling you, there's a mediocrity in trying to watch them as if we had to be watching them forever! So, please, let me tell you about them, and then perhaps we can finish the deal later, about how to handle them!”

Lisa now recalled that her boss had told her that some half-Finnish man had been contacted and was supposed to prompt an investigation that could at the very best piece out and complete theirs, so that the mafia groups could sooner or later perhaps be mapped well enough for them to know beforehand, much better than they already did, when and where they would be likely to become dangerous. This she had expected not to surface until a few months from now. So she asked; “Why did you expect that I was in all that much of a hurry?”

“Oh, sorry! But I have to finish this deal with some people of the kind that they wouldn't expect there to be telling from, if you see what I mean!”

“I'm not sure. But I guess you might have some kind of informer among the people they expect not to be it?”

“Yeah! And I also have some informer among the associates of the associates of those people they're dealing with in order to get rid of those who want to double-deal them about certain smuggling deals they were closing!”

“I see. But what's that got to do with me already?!”

“It's because, you see I have a deal and they want you to be part of it!”

“What!? Do you mean they know who I am!?”

“Yes, so it seems!”

“What the fuck do they know about me, then?!”

“They seem to be into that you and I are partners in some kind of business that has something to do with their seemingly legit transporting company!”

“What?!”

“I'm sorry! ...”

“Are you sure about this!?”

“I'm as sure as I can get. Because I also had some doubts! But double-checking it, I didn't find anything that said that it wasn't for real - that is, that they thought so!”

Nonplussed about this, Lisa thought for a moment. “Then how come the mafia, I mean the Finnish one, seems to be into that they aren't of the sort that shouldn't be considered smart at dealing with just about everybody who could, even possibly, be anything whatsoever of their potential business partners?”

“I guess it's just because they've already closed a deal with some company who seems to claim that you are involved. As a matter of fact I thought you were! But now they seem to have been faking that!”

Nonplussed again, Lisa pondered upon what this company could have had to do with her, of all people. “Is it that I, as it is, seemingly take part in their business as sort of a dummy, or a decoy? Because I have, some years ago, posed as a dummy among certain people who were doing business in that area!”

“I guess that could be so!”

“Is it about, do you think, that they expect me, as a dummy, to be faking that I can dal with them as though I was mature enough to win by pretending that I am a smart woman of competence that seems mediocre on the surface?!”

“That seems likely!”

“Then how come they expect that I am actually there, do you think? Because I haven't been playing the role of that dummy for almost four years - and even then I didn't really have very much to do with them - not ever, actually.”

“I don't know! But it seemed to be an expertise in that woman whom they dealt with for bargains in the New Hampshire area!”

“What woman?”

“The woman you dealt with when you told us that everyone has to deal with America as the only asset of calibre enough for them to really have something going for them.”

“I have never at all stated anything like that!” Lisa burst out.

“Then how come you were there and told her that as they, if not you precisely, stated it, you would be able to expect a gratitude from everyone who was talking about it?!”

“I have not at all been there! By the way, where were they? And when was this occasion?”

“Oh, look, I can't be telling you about that if you now are unwilling to tell me what you actually had to do with it!”

Troubled and nonplussed, she said: “There's nothing for me to say about that! I haven't even the remotest idea what you're talking about!”

“Then how come you were strategically challenging them as if they were mediocre? I mean when they seemed to be doing your business!”

She was silent for a moment, then answered:”If you mean that occasion six years ago, where I closed a deal with the Italians and seemingly seemed to understand what that deal was about, then I gues syou could call it that I was dealing with them that way!”

“I can't trust you on that you weren't there exactly three years ago!!”

“But I was not!”

“Then how come you want me to trust you about you not dealing with my affairs as though you weren't there in the first place?!”

“It's you who called me! I didn't ask you to start dealing with me! Even if my boss did, I really haven't!”

“Then how can I trust you on that you can't close the deal with the Russians, and that that deal won't be behind my back?!”

“I'm not sure why you're talking to me at all! Now please get off my back!”

“Okay then, bitch! But remember, if you try to deal with me like that again, then I'll kill you!”

With that he hung up the phone.

Two years later she found out that a second cousin of hers, who really looked very much like her, had been killed by Finnish people who seemed to be into business with the Russian mafia.

Thursday, November 10, 2016

Be Who You Are and not What You Seem to Be

Robert looked at his best friend Ira. “Don't you get it?!” he asked, then looked at him, and continued: “It's not that she isn't kind the way a woman should be for being a virtue for a man! Instead it is that she scorns that I like her for it!”

“Oh! Like that! .. But then she's just working against herself! Can't you simply have her seem to be that way, and then perhaps she'll change!”

“I've already tried that one! ... But, you see, she just seemed resentful about it! ... It's horrible, actually! It even seemed that she used it in order to make herself seem good - it's like good enough for the next ma, perhaps!”

“Oh, shit! I have to admit that's horrible!”

Robert made a resentful and soft sound that was something in-between a sigh and a laughter. Ira figured he was sort of trying to laugh his troubles away and asked: “Do you feel she's a slut and that you couldn't have bargained for it until now that it's too late?”

“I don't know if she's a slut like that! The only thing I have on her is that she's into an arrogant haughtiness - like for no reason, it seems! ... Or perhaps I don't really have that, I mean not the official sense. I mean she's sort of too hiddenly arrogant about it!”

Ira thought about it for a while before answering: “Does it seem possible that she's into faggots as what is good enough for her, and thereby despises you for being straight?”

“I guess it could be that! Don't believe she's simply into straight or not straight, even so, though! Because it seems she 's trying to stay arrogant with me even when I change my style into a seeming faggot! It's not that I don't feel her appreciate it in one sense, but then there's another appreciation for a straight man that gets lost with it, and it evens out! She's still seemingly too good for me all the time!”

“Perhaps she is too good for you! ... I mean, Bobby, to tell the truth, many women seem to be too good for me, and I don't even ask them out or anything!”

Robert sighed. “I also feel that way about most of them. I feel that I also seem to realize, so that she can understand it, probably, that she's a good enough woman for me, and that therefore I shouldn't pertain to faking that I must have her. Really, Ira, I didn't hit on her or something, even, I jus tried to feel that she was up to what she seemed to be about me.”

“... and that being what?”

“That she liked me! But, OK, it's also that she might fancy me, because she did seem to!”

“I guess she's a little too unappreciative of the notion of the two of you sensually draw nearer each other! I fancy you and her could make a little smart couple, from whom I could have been able to tell that I and someone I would fancy in the same way could be appreciated the same way!”

His friend sighed again. “They seem to be into looking at her as the kind of girl they aught defend, Ira, and thereby I find that I can't really feel safe in assuming that she's into me for a thought, even!”

“It's as bad as that! Then I guess I just have to settle for that she's an impossible catch. I also feel that you're into something I don't find myself quite capable of handling very well! .., I guess I can see in you that they're really trouble, friend! So why don't you just skip her, and try to find another woman for a catch?”

“It's not trying for a catch that I have been into! It's just by coincidence that we grew flirtatious, she and I. And I can't feel up to just trying to make a catch of anyone else, because that - sort of, at least - has me seem like I don't want a woman for a relationship, which I do!”

“I can't feel that it's my problem! They all are the same about that! It's just that they seem to have fancied themselves as the catches you should have and not I, until now!”

His friend Bobby looked a bit surprised. “I haven't been that lucky with them! Why, you have yourself also had about four different women the last three years!”

“I don't mean that! It's not the number of so-called relationships one has that's the measure of pleasure for being the one many of them fancy, I feel! Or do you mean there's a relationship in everyone that is to be taken seriously as the one to be fancying you well enough?!”

Bobby seemed a bit astonished. “Don't pretend that I always get the better ones! Nor do I aim for them, as a matter of fact! This one, for instance, is a sort of clumsy girl, although she's a little bit too smart for me to say that she wouldn't be my match in some sort of a way!”

“Then why do you feel that you can't just skip her?! I mean both Christina and Ana you seemed to take that way! Why not this one?!”

“Because she's that kind of catch I need for feeling that I actually am a good enough man to view myself as worthwhile to hang with! It's also because she doesn't seem like a woman to be despising. She seems, and that's the problem with her, to be good-hearted and clear-minded sort of a girl! Thereby I can't feel realistic about not treating her well, except for the part when she tries to fancy me as an unworthy guy for her acquaintance!”

“Then how come you fancy her as though she wasn't that terrific?! I mean it seems to me that the two of you haven't fancying anything but sex-appeal for one another. And then, thereby, the two of you should match, only, I say, there's not match for the two of you in that the two of you seem to be perfect for each other!”